Celibate christian dating

My friends and family would all laugh because the priest was telling us to do something but we were too caught up to notice.I remember staying seated as my friends walked down the aisle, my head in my hands and tears streaming down my cheeks.I loved my job and accepted that I would have to be single for life, but loneliness would gnaw away at me at night until I began to realize I would not be able to keep up this path for much longer.A priest once told me that gay couples were much more violent than straight couples, that they had much higher occurrences of domestic abuse.It was the first time I was trying to live out a celibate life alone, and right at the age most Texans start pairing off like exotic birds on a BBC documentary.Every mom in the church seemed to know of the perfect girl. I considered confiding in friends about being gay, but thought better.What I sensed imagining my own wedding was not relief.It was the first time I had ever actually allowed myself to picture it happening to me, and it felt like the dirtiest thing I had ever done.

Most of my friends were involved in church, so they had been marinating for years in the knowledge that this was a divine act. The priest would preach on the heroic and beautiful sacrifice the spouses were making. As one wedding ended, when we all bowed our heads to pray, I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like to be standing in front of the altar myself.Either they stop trying to be treat me like the rest of their friends — number one — or they stop thinking I’m intrinsically disordered — number two. Of course I had many others who told me they never agreed with our church to begin with, and their joy at knowing what was going on at the heart level of my life was like a cool salve. But most grew with the exploding population and found themselves with a congregation exponentially greater than their foundation.But it was those who represented disapproval mixed with steadfast friendship I was desperate not to lose. With membership in the thousands, the evangelical churches began developing community groups — essentially small groups that would meet outside of the Sunday service, grouped by stage in life to provide support and accountability. I became just another person in the pew they enjoyed shaking hands with on Sunday. That a vibrant church which doesn’t affirm gay people is just not set up to support them, even indirectly.At least like this I had a happy life on the surface.Friends’ weddings were the most bittersweet of occasions. I sat through those weddings wondering why I was so unsuited for all those things.

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